Why Consensual Sex is a Crime in Bangladesh?
Yes, you’ve read it right! Like many other normal human being, I expressed my interest on sex.
But why I am putting a status and saying it out load?
Because, for last the couple of months, I have experienced three incidents about people getting bullied as a reaction of asking for sex, I repeat, ‘ASKING FOR SEX’. Yes, a nation of 181 million, a nation having the one of the highest number of porn site visitors, reacts like they can never imagine a crime as bad as asking or intending for consensual sex!
Biologically, human being are designed to feel the need of physical intercourse. Since the beginning of the mankind, sex was there as long as there was reproduction, evidently. Marriage has been the most successful innovation by the society to ensure biological and emotional needs and to continue reproduction. However, as the society changed, so as our relationships. Human developed many other forms of relationships to keep the best interest for both the attendees, which are not exactly marriage but acceptable to the societies anyway. And most importantly, they are not the evilest way to get sex, such as rape (surprisingly, which is an accepted form of getting sex in some societies in Bangladesh, otherwise why many rape victims are offered to marry the rapist to solve the case instead of punishing them to death? but that is not what we are here to discuss today)
To avail sex, it is a norm to impress the opposite partner by performing activities, ‘believing’ that they will be attracted. Personally, I prefer to talk and give them a vibe that I am interested to them. I tend to use the key words such as ‘sex’ and ‘relationship’ to understand if they share the same interest as I do. While doing that, I try to maintain the humblest way so that I do not offend or do not make the opposite to feel uncomfortable at all. As I’m no Prince Charming, I face rejection like every other normal human being which I find completely alright. To hedge from the reality, I knock a few door. One after another or sometime many at once. Because, only a few (or only one) of them will respond in the way I want.
But, in this scenario, if someone turns up, take screenshot of our conversations and leaks it online, does that make Me a bad person? As I already said, ‘it’s a norm to impress the opposite’, to impress, many informal actions are undertaken which are supposed to be as private as ‘you taking a piss’. In my eyes, the offense of leaking the private conversations is as offensive as taking a video of ‘you taking a piss’ and making it viral.
However, many people around me, even many of my dearest, whom did I believe to have the most respectful mind toward others, were found bullying some males. Males who were exposed by females just because they have approached the girls for a relationship which may or may not include sexual activity. Their spiteful comments toward the victim, who just got exposed as a reason of the one in the opposite was not equally interested. One thing left me astounded that the exposers were the same people who were keeping up with the conversation and they were continuously agreeing with the approach. Surprisingly, when it crossed their absorbing limit, they could not take it and made it viral pretending to ask for protection (read: attention). But all that seemed like publicity stunt to prove how demanded they are as there was no sign that they felt mentally violated in the conversations.
The second offenders are the one in the comment sections. Giving up all the values, they are so desperate to bully a guy who called some girls ‘babu, princess, jaan, sweetpie..and so on’ to let her know that he is interested in her. Their responses left me traumatized the most. How devilishly they were enjoying to destroy someones honor. Their comments like, ‘chi chi, koto boro playboy’ and their repeated engagements were to push the victim to a position to attempt the darkest escape from the feeling of guilt, such as, suicide.
So, what to do and what not to?
To stay alive, to deal with life, people will knock doors which they think they can convince to be opened. Firstly, we have to take this as normal. By the days, social media has become the most popular platform to make an approach. As I’ve mentioned above, I maintain a polite way to confess, but many out there, may not do the same. Many may say it to the most inappropriate person in the most inappropriate manner but does that action really deserve to be punished at an extent that can end someone’s life? Suppose you stole $500 from someone and the court declares DEATH PENALTY for your crime, will not that be an example of over-punishment?
If someone approaches to you in the improper way, you can deny them, if that doesn’t work, block them with a click! If it doesn’t work as well, tell your friends, tell your elder ones or call the police if necessary but why do you need to commit a crime to overtake another?
Texting people, ‘babu, shona, cholo sex kori’ (‘Darling, lets have sex’) is not an ideal way to talk but it is still better than rape. Premarital sex, being not supported by religion, has become enough socially accepted in all over the world. If we do not like it, we avoid it, just like we can do it with alcohol and pork. But we cannot deny the reality that premarital relationships have made their place in our culture quite strongly. So, if there are people who need it, we don’t have to cross their path and leave it to the god to punish them if we find it as an offense. (Behaving in such a way by the resident of a nation, who has enriched porn site visits, huge rape rate and population count, may not sound reasonable, right?).
Among those, whom I’ve found bullying the victims, I have known many of them personally, who were engaged in these kind of relationships by themselves but they never felt to miss the chance to harass someone else throwing their spiteful comments despite been doing the same crime. Just because it is not them and it is so easy to make others cry. This is HYPOCRISY at the fullest..!
Talking about that, I have seen a meme which defines their (our) culture the best,
Person one: What is your opinion about premarital sex?
Person two: “Ami paile khub bhalo, onno ra paile khub kharap” (It’s best if I get, it’s worst if someone else get it)
I don’t want to grow up in a nation who value rapist more than they value consensual sex. Please change, asap.